Yesterday at around 5pm I finished work for the day, I decided to give myself a well earned tea break, before starting on dinner. It turned out to be one of those rare opportunities where I could switch the TV on, unhindered by anyone else.
The channel was set on Sky Bio HD, and the title “little miss perfect” caught my attention, especially as I saw it was about young children. My automatic assumption was that these young girls must have done something special and this is why they were being featured.
This programme was about Beauty Pageants for young girls, under the age of 10years. The girls came up on stage and were judged in three categories: firstly, to competently and confidently answer the hosts question, whatever that might be. Secondly, to perform in some way..dance..sing…show off in whatever way they could a particular talent, which they possessed, and lastly to stroll down a runway wearing a girl suitable evening gown, studded with rhinestones.
Each contestant, had a pageant coach, (I dont know if it is actually relevant but the coaches were morbidly obese, as were many of the mothers) who helped coach them through each stage. The gowns that were worn cost anything from 600 dollars second hand to 5000 dollars brand new. The girls wore makeup, had their hair done, like adults and were presented to the judges.
The success of their daughters seemed to be a life or death issue for some of the mothers and astonishing the young girls echoed their mothers behaviour.
The show followed two girls, one who turned out to be successful and the other who was not. The mother of the child who failed to make it to the top five was devastated and made no attempt to hide this from her daughter..the father on the other hand could not understand why his wife was getting so worked up, several times he used the term ‘ridiculous’… ‘trivial’ to describe his opinion of the whole pageant, and voiced his concerns about how the negative aspect, of his daughter not getting through, concerned him. He did not want her to measure herself by how well she did or did not do in this or any such event. (In my mind the question screamed out..so why the hell subject her to it!!!! why not put your foot down and refuse to let her be coerced in to the ordeal, where she is clearly shy and out of her depth, trying purely to please her mother and judging by mums reactions, failing abissmally).
The other young girl made 2nd runner up position and it obviously boosted her confidence no end. She was 8 years old and looked frighteningly adolescent, and all she seemed to be able to do was strut around, aimlessly from one end of the room to the other, across TV wires and other young children playing around her…most bizarre!
The excuse for the pageant given by the host was that all little girls liked to wear their mums makeup and dress up and parade around in beautiful clothes. Images of my younger daughter (in my high heels, nail polish all over her hands and fingers, wearing a feather boa I had bought for a fancy dress party, walking tentatively around my bedroom) came to my mind, and I had to agree with this mans observations. But nothing on heaven or earth would have compelled me to translate that image into my daughters desire to be a “little miss perfect”, even though now clothes, hair, nail polish and designer shoes and handbags, make up part of her mantra!
Almost on a daily basis I treat patients with Craniosacral Therapy and Colour healing, who have low self esteem, depression and anxiety, which though they clearly show physiological causes, these then appear to connect back in their lives to their parents perception and treatment of them. They recall a fathers anger when they fail a particular task, or a mothers lack of love because she is preoccupied. One accepts that parents are not perfect, and there are no real guides on how to be a truly positive parent. Parents are human after all and subject to emotional turmoil. It is not hard to forgive them their ignorance on not knowing how to deal with their own stuff. However, actively forcing these girls into these pageants…. can this be yet another example of a mother trying to live her life through her child, and projecting, transfering the crap onto that child..of failure, of never being good enough?
I have to admit I was disturbed and disgusted, and my heart hurt watching the reactions in those girls who didnt win, as the mothers broke down into tears. I switched off the TV, but as I went to cook, I couldnt switch off my thoughts…to all the things I might have done differently and more positively whilst bringing up my own girls. Maybe reflection and inner awareness is all it takes?